Tuesday, December 12, 2006

not much to say

Thoughts for posts drift in and out of my mind; a couple are waiting for me to sit down and allow them to unfurl. But I am not in that place, right now. I am not in much of a place at all.
Hard to describe, and it doesn't really matter, because like every moment or feeling or thought it is so transitory that ultimately it defies description. It is not an inspired or inspiring place, however, so as much as writing is like a second skin to me, i cannot engage.
It is so much easier to do so many things when one is feeling really good, or perhaps even really bad. That furnace of extreme emotion can fuel activity, ideas, action. A place that feels devoid or flat may obscure the myriad dimensions of possibility.
It feels like a time of transition, i am neither here nor there. S0metimes fragile, wobbly, uncertain. Of what? That is the question i can never answer. Not of my path or faith, just everything else.
I went to Payson yesterday, took the whole family, I think to add substance to my frailty. We ended up spending close to 5 hours at the mechanics - me sitting in the lobby watching CNN, my babies sitting in the truck while the tires were changed and the brakes replaced. What an unsual day for them! Up on the hoist, all the activity. The mechanics didn't seem to mind, told me how sweet they were. And not one of the three said a word when a stranger took the vehicle - and them - for a test drive. Seems it didn't matter who was behind the wheel, as long as the window was open and something was happening! We went to the leash free park afterwards, as a reward for their patience; the truck interior is not so big! I think all in all, they had a good day. But is was late and dark by the time we got home.
The weather seems uncertain, as I am. Tonight the sky is covered again, the air biting. There was an expectation of snow a few days ago, which then passed by. Who knows what will happen now. Not me, I am sure of that.

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